Sunday
Dear Stell –
Got up especially early so that I could write this. I want to mail it so it will reach you by Monday. Our party last night kept us much later than I expected, and as a result I missed my much needed sleep. We are going visiting this afternoon and evening and I know this is the only opportunity I shall get to write.
Just received your special and, dear, it was a real surprise, as I hadn’t expected it after you wrote that you would be too busy to bother with letter writing.
Stell, I know that I am on your black books after my yesterday letter, and I know that this isn’t going to improve my standing. I have fool ideas and sometimes they make you very impatient, for you feel that I am cold. Really, darling, I am just as full of you as I could be, – and don’t feel that I am drawing away from you when I start off on a tangent with your wishes. I do love you and I want to hear your voice and see you. You know that, dear, don’t you?
Your two last letters have left me rather confused. In one you write that my attentions have aroused concern in your home and that you don’t care to have your sister or Lou know how close we are. In the next you want me to call you by phone, and in the one today you mention meeting you at the train. – I agree with you, honey, our position would be hard to explain to others, and I feel that it would not help matters any to try and explain. We can really not lay forth any definite plans, and the third parties would only consider you to be a very foolish girl and me to be a very selfish and unmanly person. As you have said before, – to others we must appear as only very good friends such as we were before that very wonderful Thursday nite. You know how I feel at times, – as I expressed in that very terrible letter, – and when anything comes up involving our position it only makes me more bitter. You understand my feelings dear, and I know that I can ask nothing.
For that reason I didn’t call over the week end. I didn’t want to stir things up further, as I know that a telephone call from me would only go to increase the feeling your sister has that we are on the brink of some foolish step. You don’t agree with me, and in my heart I am glad that you don’t, – but still I am not going to allow myself to cause any more trouble – just yet. Wait!! And, dear, I shall not meet you at the train. You will be with Lou and there is no use of my making a situation more trying for you. Can’t you see, my dearest, we can’t show each other that we want each other until I can deserve you? It is such little acts as the above that will accuse you more embarrassment in the future. Oh, I want to be there, Stell, and to take you into my arms and carry you away with me, – but I why go over the ground again – I can’t and we must make the best of it.
Esetelle, I have asked a great deal of you in expecting you to see my way. If you really understood my other letter you will be with me in my present stand. I refuse to put you in any position that may jeopardize your future happiness. I love you and when you return we will be together whenever you permit, but we must sacrifice some of these things that will place you in a false position.
Dear, I know that you hate this letter just as much as I hate to write it. If you feel that I have proven myself unworthy on that I have ceased to care – do stop thinking about it and reserve judgment until we can talk to the whole thing to its solution. I am asking a lot, dear, but if you really love you will reserve judgment until I can tell you just how I am thinking.
You will be home in a few days and we will have days in which we we may have the whole thing discussed and settled. I shall call you every noon, and on those nites that we can be together we shall certainly be able to reach some conclusion as to our future course. Estelle, you think you understand me but in reality you don’t. You can not understand how one can love, and still realize that his actions must be bridled until he can claim his own. Perhaps my reserve is a puzzle to you, but I am happy that you do not misinterpret it and think that I am losing heart.
I have asked a great deal of you in this letter. Do you still believe me, dear?
Leon
Understand letter perfectly – call me Thurs. Morning - Yours Stella
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