Dear Ralphy:
It’s about time you got a good L-O-N-G letter from me. Which reminds me of the peculiar smell I got in the POST OFFICE yesterday. When I asked the clerk about it he said he figured it must be the DEAD LETTERS.
Well as I was about to say, I’ve been hearing a lot about that army of yours, lately.
I ran into a private the other day who shot down two enemy planes. So I asked him if he thought he’d get a COMMISSION for it. “Heck no,” he says, “the army don’t give you nuthin’ but STRAIGHT SALARY.”
So then I asked him about his officers and he says there was a major in his outfit who was a WEST POINTER -- “looked more like an IRISH SETTER, tho” he says by the waydo you know anything about the rookie who got half way thru his basic training and decided that made him a HALF-SOLDIER? He figured that even that was better than what he used to be ---- a WHOLESALER!
I guess fellows from all kinds of occupations are in the army now, tho -- like the soldier they were court-martialing for desertion in the midst of battle. Things looked pretty black for him until he explained that he used to be a PLUMBER and he was only going back for his bayonet.
It didn’t go so good for another one who was beating a quick retreat, tho. The only explanation he had was that his father and grandfather had both been in the army too, so soliders just naturally seemed to RUN in his family.
I read a swell article in the paper about a Jap gun crew. When an American bomb landed alongside their field piece they had to do something to stop this teeth chattering so they kept up a RUNNING CONVERSATION!
I hear you get darned food food in the army these days. A sargent told a friend of mine recently that when they get STEAK for mess it wasn’t half as tough as when they had to pay TWO FIFTY in a swank hotel. He also mentioned that he’d never run across a sweeter dish in civilian life than one they had at his camp -- the GENERAL’s BLOND DAUGHTER.
Incidentally, have you heard about the rookie with CORNS? He probably was the same guy who asked if the bullet would go farther if he pulled the TRIGGER HARDER.
Well, like MERRY-GO-ROUND this letter just seems to KEEP GOING WITHOUT GETTING ANYWHERE. Maybe I’d better give it the WRIST WATCH TREATMENT SO WIND IT UP lots of luck to you, Soldier, and when you have a chance why not pretend you’re a BIG GAME HUNTER and DROP A LION! So long!
Lots of Love, (signed) Pat
P.S. Don’t forget to do a COLUMN “WRITE” for me!
Write Soon Please
